14 Days of Genitals, Day 6: Lesbian Lizards

Sometimes, particularly around Valentines day, it can get a little bit rough trying to find a life (or momentary) partner. Animals suffer a similar sorrow, but some of them have evolved neat tricks to get around that whole  need-mate-to-make-babies shtick by cloning! That's right, Dolly was pretty heavily pre-empted by reptiles, including a population of Plateau Striped Whiptails right here in Oregon. This species (Aspidoscelis velox) is made up entirely of self-cloning female lizards.

Now you might think that clone babies don't have a whole lot to do with lesbianism, but you'd be wrong. Some lady whiptails will exhibit male behavior in the presence of other females, which causes the receiving lizard of the duo to ovulate and thus become pregnant with wee duplicates. Lizards which engage in roleplay are more likely to get self-knocked-up.

Personally, the Vengeance Team is particularly grateful this is not a trait shared by humans. God only knows what chaos would ensue from an Old Spice commercial. While a clone baby of either VT member would be super awesome and naturally gifted in every way (except height for one poor clone), it would be really hard for us to resist pranking each other into pregnancy. Come on - if all you had to do was puff up your chest and speak in a gravelly voice in order to knock a lady friend up, wouldn't you think it was kind of funny? Neither member of the Vengeance Team can really lay claim to the kind of maturity and restraint a world like that would require.

Sorry, Mini-Me(s). It's just safer this way.

Works Cited

Price, A. (1992). Comparative behavior in lizards of the genus cnemidophorus (teiidae), with comments on the evolution of parthenogenesis in reptiles. Copeia, 1992(2), 323-331.

Crews, D. , Grassman, M. , & Lindzey, J. (1986). Behavioral facilitation of reproduction in sexual and unisexual whiptail lizards. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences of the United States of America, 83(24), 9547-9550. 

Adventurous Woman Wanted

Last week the Vengeance Team discussed how difficult it is for science-lovin' ladies to get jobs in universities. Fortunately, right after posting that article, Amy discovered a gem in the trash heap that is her Facebook newsfeed, an article that restored her dreams of employment. Science be praised, professors of genetic research at Harvard University are seeking an adventurous woman for a job! YES! SCORE! WOMAN WANTED!!!

...To give birth to a neanderthal clone. 

 

The Vengeance Team had slightly different reactions to the news.

For Amy, this moment was like destiny knocking. And like a good girl, she opened that door (she thought it was a set of Mormon Missionaries, a topic we will save for a later post). It's as if the stars aligned for Amy to be young and fertile at THIS EXACT POINT in geologic time, right when the wonders of science can bone her (and by this we of course mean impregnate her with DNA cultivated from remaining genetic material in, of course, a bone). Luckily a job at the student athlete center and a strong love of costume parties has prepared Amy well for dealing with cavemen.

This moment in time also aligns well with job and grant application season, so Meaghan and Amy figured they could use this opportunity to give readers some pointers for job applications. Harvard, prepare yourself. Click to read our cover letter in all its glory!

Job Application Tip # 1 - Basically everything we just did there... don't do that.

Sidenote: while Meaghan fully supports Amy in all her breeding adventures, Meaghan's own womb is being saved in reserve for alien babies only, because she's worried about the hygiene requirements of all that excess body hair. 

Another Sidenote: in lieu of NSF funding, Meaghan is currently in the market to sell really unflattering cartoon sketches of people to pay for her research expenses. So if you really want a sketch of a stick figure with a witch nose or gigantic cankles, drop her a line!