Jump into a Barrel of Monkeys (NSFW: Graphic images!)

Capuchin Pre-Mortem.

 Paleontologists typically deal more with bones than with the icky fleshy bits, but accurate reconstruction of their morphology and ecology is impossible if you know nothing about anatomy of the gross bits too. Amy took Primate Anatomy this fall and dissected a capuchin monkey (Genus: Cebus)  over the course of 15 weeks with her lab partner Katie. Amy is now very assured that her future is in fossilized bones and not dissecting monkey boners, but she also learned a lot and is now going to share all that with you, including many different gag-worthy photos (turns out monkey dissections are the creepiest dissections).  So fair warning: MOST OF THESE PHOTOS ARE SUPER DUPER GROSS BUT ALSO REALLY COOL. 

Awesome Dead Shit of the Whatever Time Period We Damn Well Please: Crocodylus anthropophagus

This month(ish, whatever) we are featuring one of our cold-blooded cousins, Crocodylus anthropophagus. For those of you who don't speak greek, let's break down the scientific name: the word "anthropos" means "human" in Greek and "phagos" is the Greek word of "eater." Yes, that's right, the human-eating crocodile.

It's all fun and games until someone's ancestor gets eaten by an enormous extinct crocodile.

The existence of this man-eater brings Amy a particularly large amount of joy right now. See, Amy joined an Anthropology department where she gets to cuddle dead monkeys (you can follow that horror-fest on Instagram if you like) and loves it, but she also has to take a lot of other anthropology classes cuz nothing in this world can be perfect.

And so, a poor vertebrate paleontologist with a background in geology can feel like being the odd duck out in an anthropology department. Amy occasional suffers from apoplectic fits about the small number of specimens but huge number of conclusions drawn in many scientific papers about human evolution. This month to metaphorically work out some of that "human evolution is stupid" rage she is supremely pleased to discuss the only Plio-Pleistocene animal that brings her true happiness, the ancient crocodiles that ate the human ancestors everyone places so much damned importance on.

Gimme Some Mo' GMO

It's our blogiversary this week, did you know that? It has been two glorious years of science, antler earrings, strange google search terms, and failing to write a post every month about a dead animal we liked (sorry!). It's been a great two years, and we're excited for many many more. When we started writing, we imagined a blog where we could talk humorously about awesome science and science-related things, and also bitch heavily about some of the pseudoscience we encounter on the regular. We also daydreamed about fame and fortune, neither of which have happened just yet but we're patient.

HOW ARE WE NOT FAMOUS YET THOUGH SRSLY

Bitching about bad science or non-science masquerading as science has always been a big theme of the blog but doesn't yet have its own label. It should. So for our blogiversary, we'd like to debut a new tag (pseudoscience is a pain in our ass), and introduce it with an irritated post about the  anti-science, anti-GMO movement.

A Love Letter to the University of Oregon

I, Meaghan Emery, love my job.

Thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis much

Like all good jobs, mine is fascinating, challenging, filled with the support of amazing co-workers, and is preparing me for my future. Also like many good jobs, mine is exhausting, sometimes bewildering and full of bizarre red tape, and frequently follows me home. My job is salaried, which is a fancy code word I've learned means "work more than this number of hours," and divides up in the following ways:

• about 20 hours of actually paid time in the museum or the classroom depending on my exact role that term 
• about 20-35 hours of technically unpaid research time which is often eaten up by proposal-writing instead

• and about 5 hours of bitterly wasted hours answering emails and attending meetings. 

Sometimes I work weekends but not always - sometimes I can go climbing instead. My job helps subsidize the conference I attend each year (so professional). I have health insurance - like, we're talking really good, 15$-massages-without-referral health insurance. Oh, and I get paid well enough to pay my bills and buy new climbing shoes when I want them, rather than when I need them.

I have this fantastic job for two reasons: because my department and my advisors value and emphasize the importance of a healthy work-life balance, and because my school has a union that advocates for me, protects me when I am weak, and works hard to keep the University an amazing learning environment and workplace.

Our excessively patriotic union logo.
Yes, we see what you're doing there, GTFF, with your subliminal "THE UNION IS FOR 'MERICA" message.

The Deadly Truth about Paleontology

Paleontology may seem like a tame, safe science where only the studied objects are dead, but beware! Certain aspects of paleontology are JUST as dangerous as letting an inquisitive tortoise near your testicles, or getting your fingers between a frog and your iphone! Adrenaline addicts Amy and Meaghan are here to tell you the deadly truth.

Raptors: Not the biggest threat.

Deer Poop in the Backcountry: Anecdotes and Advice from Amy

Oh yeah I'll collect anything to spend all day here!

Working in the field is the whole reason I (Amy) wanted to pursue paleontology. Fieldwork gets you up close and personal with the elements, which makes the science even more rewarding. That being said, field work can also suck a lot if you aren't prepared. Field work has many different demands, but whether  hunched over steaming rocks all day in full exposure to the sun or hiking through dense trees and scrubs with bears all around, you need to be able to handle the weird shit field work sometimes throws at you.

Smiles for poop!

This last spring I spent 6 weeks on Revillagagedo Island (Ketchikan, AK) and Gravina Island collecting deer poop for the Alaska Department of Fish and Game (ADFG), Wildlife Conservation division. Now the reasonable question you might ask is why the hell anyone would get paid to count deer shit. Deer turds are an excellent indicator of animal population and health, which is important to the ADFG who have to determine how many of those delicious animals we can kill and eat for dinner each year. Additionally, how healthy and overflowing the deer population is impacts the need for predator control, cuz humans aren't the only ones in Alaska who love fresh venison. If there are too few deer and too many wolves in the area it is the state's responsibility to check the population of the predators by killing some of them. So essentially I was paid to collect shit to determine if wolves needed to be shot from helicopters. YAY SCIENCE!

It's Conference Season!

GSA, SVP and AGU are all coming up in rapid-fire succession: it's the geology conference season! Conferences are a great place to meet your potential future collaborators (and dissenters), show off your work, and talk awesome science shop. Conferences are also a place to look for graduate programs, to shop around for jobs, and to further your careers. That makes them somewhat important... and therefore somewhat stressful. For women conferences have the complicating factors of the possibility (and for some conferences, probability) of sexual harassment, or of being disregarded for wearing the wrong clothing, or being ignored entirely by the powerful men around you. Losing your voice and confidence at a conference isn't a phenomenon known only to women, but there are certainly a lot more women-specific factors that build that possibility up.

So to help facilitate your lady scientist conference experience here is a short recap of some some awesome articles about how to kick ass and take business cards at these awesome fall conferences.

Step One: Awesome Business card

First off, why not read some of the words of extreme wisdom provided by Mary Anning's Revenge? We wrote a nice list of conference anti-harassment policies - why don't you check and see if your conference made the list and if not... get some verbal ammo to make that shit change in upcoming years. There's also our great article on how to Infiltrate the Old Boy's Club: how to get noticed and STAY noticed at this year's conference. Of course, that's always a bit of a concern for the ladies cuz we don't want attention for the wrong things. Concerned about what to wear? Commiserate with Meaghan's conference attire poetry.

But there are more resources than our mere blog can provide (well, yet anyway).Are you concerned about finding polite ways to respond to mansplaining? Sometimes the middle finger just doesn't work, but there are other phrases to memorize and employ when you are interrupted, derailed, repeated, or otherwise talked over by a male colleague. Or maybe you're having a little bit of imposter syndrome about presenting your research? Let Amy Cuddy help you posture your body to feel more confident (which sounds like a Dr. Oz recommendation but this is actually based in SCIENCE.) And if raising your arms over your head doesn't make you feel confident enough, try some other little steps to combat imposter syndrome, including making lists of your greatness. Hell just being aware of the problem can help you solve it, so learn a little more about the confidence gap - and then defy it when presenting.

We used this GIF quite recently but even though Meaghan absolutely hates this show, it's a REALLY GOOD GIF so we'll use it one more time, cuz it's an important thing to remember:

Now go out there and kick conference ass.

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How To Drink and Write Grant Proposals

Amy and Meaghan are experts on writing grant proposals.

It takes lots of grants to fund these pimpin' gold chains.

No really, we are. We've written dozens of grants and scholarship applications, from tiny 100$ travel grants to enormous grants that provide funding for several years. We've also even received several of these grants - Amy received both the Goldwater Scholarship and the National Science Foundation Graduate Research Fellowship, and Meaghan has received grants from the Field Museum of Natural History, American Museum of Natural History, Harvard's Museum of Comparative Zoology, and others. But this isn't going to be a post on how to make your proposal great, because honestly that's the least difficult part of actually writing a grant proposal (strange though it may seem). The very hardest part is actually vomiting that shit out on paper so you have something to get started with. That's what we're going to talk about today: paper brain vomit.

Update: Everyone Who Reads This Blog is Still Super Weird

Just in case you thought that the blog readership here at Mary Anning's Revenge was in any way normal, it's actually full of perverts and weirdos. At least it is according to our Google Search Terms... and also probably just extrapolated from the topics of most of our blog posts, to be honest.

One of the best parts of having a blog is tracking your Google search terms.  Every day seems to unearth another disgusting thing that some sicko googled and then somehow made it to our TOTALLY INNOCENT website.... No no, we love the search keywords, they are always hilarious and keep us laughing. Every once and awhile we share a little of the magic back to you, dear reader. 

We'll start out with one that represents a pretty typical day:

Sorry Dr. Sereno

Awesome Dead Shit: Glyptodonts

Amy saw an armadillo last week so she is now inspired to write about some of their extinct cousins, the glyptodonts.

Awesome art by NachoSammich

Glyptodonts were crazy cool mammals that lived during the Pleistocene Epoch from 2.58 Ma until they went extinct about 10,000 years ago, possibly from climate, disease, or from people over-hunting them and using their shells as emergency shelters. Talk about a fulfilling meal! They lived in South America and migrated as far north as Arizona and Texas during the Great American Biotic Interchange about 2 million years ago along with some other South American fauna, like our old friend Thylacoleo. This biotic interchange was the first time South America had come into contact with another continent since the breakup of Gondwana back in the Mesozoic, meaning that the South American fauna had ~63 million un-interrupted years of evolution all to themselves, which is why those endemic species are so flippin' WEIRD. Glyptodonts are no exception to that rule and belong in the superorder Xenarthra along with sloths, anteaters, and armadillos, which of course means they are phylogenetically awesome.

An Ode to the Paleo Road

Recently Amy and her boyfriend Kelly completed a 32-day road trip from Juneau, Alaska to Austin, Texas. Considering they both suffer from Paleo/Geo Nerd Syndrome they made many stops along the way to admire the rocks of geological and/or historical significance, as well as a few stops to visit their nerdy friends like Meaghan! To recount this thrilling 7,000 mile opportunity to discuss regional tectonics and ancient seas we're bringing back our favorite form of poetry: Limericks.

The Hopeful Monster Hypothesis

Warning: this is not a trailer review, though Hopeful Monsters does sound like a cinematic masterpiece. Rather, this is a discussion of a form of evolutionary theory: Hopeful Monster (or Discontinuous Variation if you prefer the dry scientific term, and who doesn't) is the hypothesis that suggests evolution proceeds through the same mechanism that basketball athleticism has: organisms who used to be a bit odd and possibly insanely tall now find their niche, excel, and rise to the top.

Prior to basketball, his height simply gave him neck cramps

A Lot of Oreodont Drawings

This summer Meaghan has been working as a Geocorps Paleontologist for the John Day Fossil Beds National Monument, working on resolving John Day oreodont taxonomy. It's been a lot of fun, but it also means that oreodonts have been at the forefront of her mind literally all summer... so she's drawn a lot of them. As the summer has progressed, her oreodonts have become a lot more like My Little Ponies, with big feet and ridiculous expressions. Meaghan is now headed off to Kyrgyzstan for a month (to help this lady scientist with her dissertation work), and is too lazy to write blog posts ahead of time so in lieu of other blog material.... here are a bunch of Meaghan's oreodont sketches with her brilliantly witty commentary!

Coy Agrochoerus antiquus is an ass during hide-and-seek

Merychyus elegans just pranked the shit out of someone.

How to Avoid Common Myth-Debunking Mistakes

We've all been involved in some sort of myth-debunking: evolution, climate change, vaccinations, genetically modified organisms, different ways of curing hiccups - all are important hot topics that are surrounded by lies and misinformation. It is pretty hard to hear some of the bat-shittery around these ideas and not fight back - after all, public policy on these and other topics are often dictated by people who buy into conspiracy theories. Also, some of us have little self-control when it comes to tolerating other people's stupidity.

Because for fucks sake, these are not equally-valid sources!!!

The logical way of battling a myth is to address the myth itself. For example:

Your Drunk Uncle at Thanksgiving: "We're pumping poor babies full of mercury before they're even 6 months old!"

Your Drunk Uncle (Sam)

You: "Thimerosal isn't toxic in the low amounts we give in vaccines, they're necessary to preserve vaccines from fungal and bacterial infection, and they've been phased out from the vaccines we give babies anyway. BOOM!"

YDUaT: "Yeah, well vaccines also cause autism! That playboy bunny says so."
You: "The one article that ever showed a link was debunked; that guy was 100% lying. Also please take health advice from your doctor, not a celebrity."

YDUaT: "We don't bother to test whether giving vaccines to babies so fast is a bad thing or not! Nobody looks at this stuff. Poor babies."
You: "Scientists totally test that shit. Also, would you rather your kids got measles and died? You make no sense to me."

Seems pretty self-explanatory: someone tells you about a bullshit theory and you tell them how they're wrong, their minds heal and become better and everyone is happy, right? Yeah, we wish. Unfortunately for you and our country, the mind is a tricksy place. Ask your uncle after your conversation about some vaccination myths, and he'll likely get about 20% of those myths wrong still. Ask him 3 days later he will still retain on average, a belief in about 40% of the myths that he previously asserted. What's even worse is that since he has talked to you, his well-educated niece or nephew about it, he now has a reinforcing valid "source" - you. Oops!

It turns out that addressing the illogical with the logical is actually not that effective for eliminating myths and misconceptions.  In fact, if you try and debunk a myth you can often end up reinforcing it instead simply by talking about it. So what's the best way to convince the Drunk Uncles of the world to join the 21st century, regardless of the topic? Here we lay out the commandments of Myth Debunking, the cardinal rules of how to work around people's crazy to get them to hear the logic of your actual content. These rules are our own, but we've compiled them after reading up on the psychology of bias emergence and attenuation. That's right. We read psychology papers for you mother fuckers, because we love our country. 'MERICA.

'MERICA.
Sidenote: if you've never googled "the most patriotic picture ever" then you need to.
This picture nearly lost to the Star Spangled Donuts that were further down the page.

The Glories of Collections-Based Research

Whenever I (Meaghan) tell other people that I'm a paleontologist, people tend to get really excited and ask one or both of the following two things:

First they ask if I've heard about the newest dinosaur fossil, which I never have but usually can bluff my way through with the sentence "oh right, isn't it the biggest one they've ever found, and it's from some country in South America or Asia or Africa or something?" because 90% of what dinosaur paleontologists in the media do is basically a prolonged, scientific dick-size competition that occurs in a foreign country my American friends consider jungle-ish.

The second thing they ask is if I get to do much field work, to which I throw back my head and cackle maniacally until the happy, excited gleam in their eye fades away and leaves nothing behind but the shallow husk of their dying inner seven-year-old.

Because no, I don't, and it's totally way better that way.

I know - it seems like it doesn't get much better than this right?*

Awesome Dead Shit: The Saber Toothed Salmon

Meet Oncorhychus (previously known as Smilodonichthys) rastrosus, the Saber Toothed Salmon:

Hey people of Eugene, see this exhibit in person! Art by Ray Troll

We've mentioned it in passing here and there, featured a blurb about the new Saber Toothed Salmon exhibit at the UO MNCH during our Ray Troll interview, but have we really explained the beauty of this extinct fish? No, no we have not. Let us list the ways:

Let's Chat About Harassment! #OMGYAY

It seems like recently this blog has been filled with art and dead animals (and some supremely awesome mixtures of those), but very little discussion of the other thing that we're super fond of: ladies being happy in science.

Cuz it should always be like this!

So since we're overdue for a "yay STEM ladies" post, let's talk about sexual harassment!

Yeah, we know, we know, it seems like perhaps that's exactly the opposite of "happy ladies in science." Currently, science and technology fields are dominated by men, but the burden of sexual harassment falls almost entirely on women. Frankly, if nobody bitches about it, then nobody knows it is happening and does anything to fix it. So, contrary as it may seem, hurrah for conversations about sexual harassment!

Let's just launch right into it: guess who has two thumbs and has experienced sexual harassment in the workplace?

THIS KID!
(thumbs not pictured)

Trolling the Fossil Freeway with Ray

Even if you haven't heard the name Ray Troll, it's still almost guaranteed that you've seen some of his artwork. Maybe you saw an amazing museum exhibit, or picked up a copy of Cruisin' the Fossil Freeway, or perhaps you remember a few weeks ago for Mary Anning's birthday we debuted an awesome piece of his:

“Mary Anning's story was really inspiring to me and Brad when we made that book all those years ago and then finding out “she sells seashells by the seashore…” it's all about her..." - Ray Troll

But Ray Troll is much more than an amazing artist: he's a top-notch paleonerd, amazing author, game-creator, science education advocate, fish enthusiast of the strongest sort, and also a musician! He also recently completed a project close to home for the Vengeance Team: he painted the mural of the Saber Toothed Salmon fossil, part of the Explore Oregon exhibit at the University of Oregon Museum of Natural and Cultural History (That exhibit is freshly opened and extremely awesome, so if you get a chance you should swing by and check it out).

Amy and blog assistant/boyfriend Kelly were lucky enough (Meaghan is SUPER GODDAMN JEALOUS) to sit down with Ray Troll and his wife Michelle at their beautifully fossil-decorated house in Ketchikan, Alaska and pepper him with questions about his music, art, connections to Mary Anning and paleoichthyology musings while Meaghan sat at home grumbling and doing science stuff.

Forever the image of Meaghan's Envy

Ranger Atwater's Dinosaur Personality Quiz

Back in the good ole' days of 2011 Amy was a Park Ranger at Arches National Park where she led and educated thousands of visitors about the geological and paleontological resources of Arches. Her favorite time to interact with the public was during the Evening Program out at the Devil's Garden Campground where she gave a presentation about the Dinosaurs of Utah for any one who came out to join her around the fire.



At the end of every night Amy would invite one participant to take the Dinosaur Personality Quiz to determine which Utah dinosaur they had the most in common with. This quiz was recently discovered on on an old thumb drive and now we are bringing it to you, fearless reader!

The awesome dinosaur images and the vast majority of the following information come from Frank Decourten's Dinosaurs of Utah book.

Double the Fields, Double the Fun with Julius Csotonyi

Julius Csotonyi has probably got the most dichotomous resume we've ever heard of: he paints dinosaurs for a living, and publishes on living microbes. Julius's painting work is often featured in books and research papers, and this week he has released a new book about his artwork and artistic process called "The Paleoart of Julius Csotonyi." We interviewed Julius about his book, his science, and why on Earth he chose to go with microbes (turns out, he was aware there were things with backbones and fur even before he made his choice!)

Happy Birthday Mary!

It's Mary Annings birthday today and what a great day to celebrate! Meaghan and Amy are both doing SCIENCE on opposite ends of the country, and our interview with the paleo artist Ray Troll is coming soon!

Thanks to Ray Troll for scanning this image for us! This great portrait of Mary was first published in Troll's 1994 book Planet Ocean (check it out if you haven't already)

Want to learn more about the greatest fossil hunter who ever lived?! OF COURSE YOU DO!!!! Here are some quick links and books to explore more about Mary Anning and her incredible paleontological life in Lyme Regis, England:

--Our "Who was Mary Anning?" page on our blog

-- The biography "The Fossil Hunter" by Shelley Emling

-- The historical fiction novel "Remarkable Creatures" by Tracy Chevalier

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARY ANNING!!!

Incredible Science and Nature Art (By Other People)

Obviously the Vengeance Team has posted many things on our own artistic endeavors, including some things for sale at our store (BUY THEM WE NEED BEER WE MEAN CONFERENCE MONEY). Sometimes other people do awesome artistic things, too, and we thought that we'd take a moment to share some of our favorite science and nature themed artists and art.

Riusuke Fukahori of Goldfishing

This is not a box of real goldfish. This is an incredible 3D painting. Riusuke Fukahori paints layer upon layer of goldfish in different layers of resin, giving them an incredible 3D shape in their "liquid" suspension. Some of these things are huge, or have goldfish pouring out of one resin mold into another. See more here, or at his website.

What Can I Wear to This Conference?

What should I wear to this conference

That will help me get a good job?

I want to look professional, I want to look respectable,

But I own more field pants than real pants

And most of my closet's quick-dry
Nothing in my closet says "take me into the field!"

Without also saying "I am a slob!"

Conferences are supposed to be professional

But that's only part of this job.

Problem Number Two: I'm a girl.

I'm short and I'm blonde: people don't expect much from me (they should)

Should I wear heels, or dye my hair?

Maybe they'd listen better if I was a brunette

Or wore a sports bra. 

Tits don't get tenure-track.

Awesome Dead Shit: Odobenocetops, the Walrus-Whale

What do you get when you take the droopy-lipped visage of a walrus and say, why the hell not, let's attach it to a whale?

Pure, undiluted genius, that's what you get.

 Yes, this monstrosity that nature shoved together to confuse you was a real animal: the gloriously graceful Odobenocetops, or walrus-whale!

Such beauty and grace should never have gone extinct.
Damn you mother nature, for taking away this marvel of natural selection.

Backcountry Navigation Tips: Bush Evasion Tactics

Amy is back in Alaska, and preparing herself for a job that involves collecting deer poop in the back country. Yes, that's a job, and yes, we'll talk about it in more detail in a future blog post. But Meaghan is feeling helpful, and wanted to give Amy a few tips she learned in the backcountry while surveying for lichen and slugs (yes, that's also a job, and yes, we'll talk about that too some day). Today's tips are all about the worst part of fieldwork: getting through shrubbery.

See, all bushes are horrible when you're walking off trail, but they're all awful in their own ways: each is its own special, shitacular snowflake. Some bend beneath your weight only to slam back up into your crotch when you least expect it, while others offer a wooden jungle gym you'll have to force your way through like Catherine Zeta Jones in Entrapment. Here, Meaghan shares some of her top moves for circumnavigating shrubbery struggles.

#Sarcasticthumb

Interview with Marli Miller

We recently went out with the Marvelous Marli Miller who is not only a professor at the University of Oregon, she’s also a photographer, and an author! That’s right: she’s a scientist who STILL MANAGES TO HAVE TIME FOR HOBBIES! Meaghan and Amy joined Marli for dinner and while she attempted to eat the Vengeance Team peppered her with all sorts of bizarre questions. Kelly, Amy’s boyfriend joined because Mcmenamins has a great $10 burger and brew deal on Monday nights and, more importantly, because he is also a big fan of Marli Miller. Because really... who isn't?

Geology-Inspired Nail Art

Those nails are so gneiss

Recently Meaghan showed Amy some very cool "burned book" fingernail art and pointed out how much better it would be with scientific figures. Amy took on the challenge the next rainy day. The result? Geology-themed fingernails!!! Now we are bringing the nail magic to you, faithful readers, so follow the tutorial below to be the most stylish geologist* of the century!!!

*Admittedly not too hard to be when most of us wear sales-rack REI quick-dry shirts and paint-stained mom jeans, completing our outfit with a sweat-stained fishermans hat. Still, we bet that look (Field Gear Chic) would go great with strat column fingernails!

WE REACHED 100,000 PAGE VIEWS!

Well the Vengeance Team has something to admit, we forgot our own blog's birthday... HOW EMBARRASSING! So instead we are gonna make a big effing deal about recently breaking 100,000 page views!!!!

Celebrating for science! Or prehensile penises.....

We know many of our views come from those perverts googling "Prehensile Penis" or "Does your butt swell when..." but we are grateful and definitely still celebrating! To commemorate our big news, we want to look back on our 5 favorite blog posts, each representing a different perspective of Mary Anning's Revenge:

1) The Serious Piece:  Famous Amos and Marvelous Melvin

2) The Penis Piece: Utah's Cock Rocks

3) The AwwwWTF Piece: Squirrel Nuts and Guts 

4) The Awesome Dead Shit Piece: Macrauchenia

and finally,

5) The Paleo-Picasso Piece: The Paleosol Cupcake, Parts 1 and 2

This Winter in Paleontology

It's been about 6 months since we last discussed what's HOT in paleontology, and no we're not talking about radioactive dinosaur bones from the Morrison (uh though when we finally finish that post we totally will be). So while Amy's surviving Alaska's chilly spring she's gonna help us all warm up to the newest news in paleo and then all our readers will be oh-so-current with the state of affairs of all that really old dead stuff.

We've been busy blogging about boners, here's what's been going on in the meantime.

Awesome Dead Shit: Thylacoleo

Thylacoleo was a genus of carnivorous marsupials that lived in Australia from the Late Oligocene to the Late Pleistocene, when they sadly went extinct. This genera of triple-incisor meat-eaters ranged from about that of a large house cat to poop-your-pants-it's-a-lion in size. Thylacoleo carnifex (pictured above lying in child's pose) was the largest of the group, and was the biggest predator of it's day. Here we present some fun facts about this pouched lion and then we take our audience on a wonderful tour of recreated Thylacoleo art, oh goodie!!

14 Days of Genitals, Day 14: Otter-be Ashamed of Yourself

Sea Otters are perhaps the cutest animals on the planet. We watch a LOT of YouTube videos about baby animals, and also are pretty well-versed in the depths of cutestpaws.com, so we feel like we can make blanket statements about cuteness like that. They are super fuzzy, they hold hands while they float around, they smash their food on their belly, they melt your heart every time you see them at the aquarium: cuteness win.

They also rape and drown baby seals and female otters.

Sea Otters: Suddenly Less Cute.

14 Days of Genitals, Day 13: The Poorly Named Newt

This is a rough skinned newt:

14 Days of Genitals, Day 12: Arms Race Between the Sexes

Survival of the fittest doesn't always mean survival of the nicest. Sometimes assholes are the best at reproducing, and water striders are really, really good at reproducing. 

Not the biggest asshole in the animal kingdom (wait 'til day 14), but close.

14 Days of Genitals, Day 11: Hippo Pu Pu Platter

The hippopotamus is a misunderstood creature. Marketed as cute and cuddly (we mean, have you seen those cheeks?!) the hippo is actually one of the most dangerous animals in the world and also one of the worst to potty-train.

Hmm more floaters than sinkers this time!

14 Days of Genitals, Day 10: Gettin' Freaky with Porcupines

Don't worry - the quills are actually soft during birth, that's not where we're going with this, calm down.

It probably comes as no surprise to anyone that porcupine mating can be tricky. What might surprise you, however, is what masturbating, piss-loving kinksters porcupines are.

14 Days of Genitals, Day 9: Marsupial Snatch-Attack

Marsupials are strange critters with their mysterious pouches and non-placental birth, but they get even weirder when you take a peak inside:

 I spy with my little eye.... THREE VAGINAS!

The 14 Days of Genitals, Day 8: Oosik (my dick?)

For some animals, the word boner is quite literal.

Wielding quite the weapon!

This gentleman is holding an oosik, or Walrus Boner Bone. These are found in lots of groups and are called baculums, but none are quite so impressive as the walrus oosik. These things are HUGE: recently, a huge fossilized oosik of an extinct walrus  was sold for $8,000 at an auction. The oosik was FOUR AND A HALF FEET LONG.

Oh myyyyyy

14 Days of Genitals, Day 7: Hyena's She-Wee

All too often the Vengeance Team spends our time talking about male genitalia, when there's a whole world of exciting ladybits out there, too! To mix things up today, we're still sort of talking about penises... but with a twist: we're talking about lady-dicks.

This is the hyena equivalent of jumping up and down, squealing, and saying OMG OMG I MISSED YOU!