PaleoArt: Osteostracan Jokes

Here is a little known science fact for you all: for the first 4 billion years or so of creation, Nature appears to have spent most of is time in a drunken haze. That's got to be the only explanation behind foot-long spiders, because the only person who thinks that is a good natural phenomenon is a person whose mind has been pickled in whiskey and bitter hatred. But Nature didn't just create enormous sea scorpions or 8-legged puddles of jello somehow strong enough to kill sharks. Nature also messed around with vertebrates.

Osteostracans

These are Osteostracans, which as far as anybody can tell were created when Mother Nature decided that she needed an armored tennis racket. These jawless jewels of the Devonian probably filtered through mud or ate whatever was dumb enough to swim into their mouths, and if you believe Walking With Prehistoric Monsters they had an ongoing evolutionary showdown with the bullies of the deep, sea scorpions. They also had great big bony heads that made them look like they all wore funny hats that seemed totally fashionable at the time but that they were pretty embarrassed about later on.

Creatures as bizarre as these deserve to be the subject of visual puns.

Osteostracorn

Osteostrincorn

Osteostrackan

Osteostracan't

All images made by Meaghan with water color pencils, pens and copious amounts of Pabst Blue Ribbon.