14 Days of Genitals, Day 10: Gettin' Freaky with Porcupines

Don't worry - the quills are actually soft during birth, that's not where we're going with this, calm down.

It probably comes as no surprise to anyone that porcupine mating can be tricky. What might surprise you, however, is what masturbating, piss-loving kinksters porcupines are.




The fertility window for females is very short (8-12 hours), but the foreplay is pretty intense. For several weeks up to the fertility peak, females will start rubbing their genitals on sticks, riding said sticks around, and generally gettin' fussy. Ladies also start secreting a strong-smelling vaginal mucous and urine that really gets the fellas going. We imagine the lady porcupines are singing their own version of "My Foul-uriny-vag-juice-milkshake Brings All the Boys to the Yard."

SECRETLY MASTURBATING

Males, meanwhile will rub themselves against anything they can and will start doing a funny 3-legged walk while fondling their genitals and peeing all over their paws and sniffing them, cuz they like that sort of shit.

Ready, aim, FIRE!!!

Once males and females finally met up, the fun really begins. The female may not be ready to get her freak on unless the male can really prove that he's got what it takes. How does he prove his devotion? By spraying her all over with his urine. So cute. This isn't just any pee, it's like releasing a fire hydrant of piss from the male's totally erect penis. His spray is powerful enough to coat a female more than 6 feet away and like that scene from Flashdance she loves every second of her golden shower.

Intensify this pee by 1000 

Once he has proven himself with this literal shower of attention the female may finally let him carefully mount her for a brief period of time. Then the show's over and they both head out in opposite directions, never to see each other again. But before you start thinking that porcupine sex is just like all casual encounters hook-up via Craigslist, take this into consideration: Shadle et al. (1946) found that in order for porcupines to mate, some form of acquaintance beforehand was almost mandatory.

Porcupines may love golden showers, but they don't sleep together on the first date.

Missed the previous days of genitals?! Have no fear, check out the links right here: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, and 9!

Works Cited

Shadle, Albert R., Marilyn Smelzer, and Margery Metz. "The sex reactions of porcupines (Erethizon d. dorsatum) before and after copulation." Journal of Mammalogy 27.2 (1946): 116-121.